The Problem with Yelling

“The problem with verbal abuse is there is no evidence,” Marta shared. She came for help with a long-standing depression. “What do you mean lack of evidence?” I asked her. “When people are physically or sexually abused it’s concrete and real. But verbal abuse is amorphous. I feel like if I told someone I was verbally abused, they’d think I was just complaining about being yelled at,” Marta explained. “It’s much more than that,” I validated. “Much more,” she said. “The problem is no one can see my scars.” She knew intuitively that her depression, anxiety and deep-seated insecurity were scars that stemmed from the verbal abuse she endured. “I wish I was beaten,” Marta shared on more than one occasion. “I’d feel more legitimate.” Her statement was haunting and brought tears to my eyes. Verbal abuse is so much more than getting scolded. Marta told me that there were many reasons her mother’s tirades traumatized her: The loud volume of her voice. The shrill tone of her voice. The dead look in her eyes. The critical, disdainful and contemptuous facial expression that made Marta feel hated to the core. The eviscerating names, you’re spoiled, disgusting, and wretched. The unpredictability of that “flip of the switch” that turned her mother into someone else. And, perhaps worst of all, the abandonment. “It is not just that I felt assaulted,” Marta cried, “It’s that when I did something that flipped her switch, my mother left m...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Anger Bullying PTSD Relationships Self-Esteem Trauma Treatment Dating Divorce Domestic Abuse Emotional Abuse Marriage traumatic relationship Verbal Abuse Source Type: blogs