Recovering from Abuse: Collecting Pebbles

One of the most common things I hear from survivors of psychological abuse is their confusion about why they didn’t notice the red flags sooner in the relationship. It doesn’t matter if the toxic person is a parent, co-worker, friend or love interest, almost all survivors seriously doubt themselves for not seeing the toxicity earlier. Once a survivor’s eyes are opened to the abuse they have endured, they wonder why they didn’t set better boundaries before they found themselves in a world of hurt from the psychological games. Survivors of this type of abuse have their lives completely rocked and thrown into chaos. The common question is “How did I let this happen to me?” The truth is, this form of abuse is difficult to specifically pinpoint and that’s what makes it so insidious. The abuser works hard to hide their true motives by lying and shifting blame onto the survivor. In order for the pattern of abuse to be really seen, it takes a survivor many episodes that leave them deeply hurt. It is not a one-and-done type of abuse. Psychological abuse is a pervasive pattern of covertly harming another person. I often relate the process that survivors go through as collecting pebbles. One pebble represents a negative encounter with a psychological abuser. In the early stages of becoming aware that something isn’t right in the relationship, a survivor will have a few pebbles in their metaphorical bag. The bag isn’t very heavy and only carries a couple weird or hur...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Bullying Marriage and Divorce PTSD Relationships Trauma abuse Child Abuse Intimidation Physical Abuse Psychological abuse Psychological Manipulation toxic people Source Type: blogs