Are We Consoling Or Judging?

Joshua Earle via Unsplash When we hear that someone has died, we can't help but scrutinize the way they passed--as if dying were a contest. Were they young or old? How long did they suffer? Did the family see it coming? The more shocking, the more we secretly revel in the details. . . . Yet the more shocking, the more awkward we are at comforting the bereft. When my husband committed suicide three years ago, it was the most unspeakable of departures to many of our friends and acquaintances. They didn't exactly know what to say. "Well, at least it wasn't cancer!" and "He was able to go quick and on his own terms!" were common condolences. But then there were others whose whispers were a little louder than intended: "It would've been better if he'd had cancer!" A week ago, my heart broke again when I got the call that my brother had died suddenly from a heart attack. The heartbreak at hearing the news was all too familiar. Having grown up on a remote farm, we were each other's best friends. I found myself once again experiencing profound sorrow and disbelief that were eerily similar to what I felt when my husband died. But the outpouring of sympathy in the last few days has been so much more compassionate compared to when my husband died. My brother died from the most common cause of death (heart disease), so it's been much easier for others to relate and share condolences respectfully. On the other hand, my husband's death seemed preventable--he had a choice, and he ch...
Source: Healthy Living - The Huffington Post - Category: Consumer Health News Source Type: news