Just Deal Already

Once again it is 2:19 am, and I have been up since 12:30 am.  I stayed in bed and slept or just laid there yesterday because I was tired.  I guess that is why - I am not sure.  Spending time with Mark lately is not exactly enjoyable.  Yes, it takes "two to tango".  He has said, even in ..marriage counseling, that he is miserable and it does not matter what happens, he will always be miserable.  I have been thinking about that for a lot.   This has been going on for YEARS!  I do not dare to look back in my blog to when it first started, but I know it is 5+ years that he has been unpleasant to live with. I finally am trying to come to terms with that.  What does mean exactly, and what kind of future will I/we have?  I know what people are are thinking - he will not be miserable forever, he just thinks he will be.  NO.  I finally believe him.  He is going to be miserable forever.  I do not really see emotions with him.  Not happiness, no laughter, not sadness except for himself and his future.  Mostly anger about his place in life and the future he is doomed to accept.  It makes me feel HORRIBLY guilty the things that he says sometimes, that he hates his job but keeps doing it because he wants me to live well.  Screw that!  I don't need him to take care of me - do what he wants and do NOT blame his misery on ME.  I tell him to get another job, but he says he can not find one, and ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
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