Catching Up Before I Forget...
I have absolutely no idea what I have written to date. Writing is so incredibly therapeutic to me, I am going to get back into the habit of writing regularly again.My divorce was final on August 24. I thought I would be great, happy even. I was SO wrong. I didn ' t even know I was falling apart the week before the divorce was final, but I knew I felt emotionally overwhelmed. I kept listening to the song " Over My Head (Cable Car) by the Fray, identifying with the lyrics, yet...it never clicked in my head that I was about to...I guess have a kind of breakdown I suppose? No, not the breakd...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 25, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
No Sleep - Just Crying
I think I slept from 6:30 am - 8:30 am this morning. I cried for hours and finally fell asleep. I took klonipin thinking it would help me stop crying, but it really didn ' t do anything. I woke up at 8:30, started crying again, then sobbing, and I finally got up and just came out of my room.I ' m staying with the people that I lived with when I was in high school. The mother ' s husband is gone, her daughter and I are bickering like crazy, but I do feel safe emotionally here. I was sobbing but grabbed Bailey and walked out of my room. I didn ' t want sympathy, I just did not want to be a...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 13, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Truth or Lie? I Wish I Knew
The story began a year ago, as did my divorce, but I will try my best to explain my relationship with Blake Chadick (name changed slightly), as it was a major impact on me this past year, waiting for my divorce to be finalized. I realize my blog is reading backwards at the moment, but should only be several entries or so.First of all, he ' s married. He said his wife Melissa was very sick from the radiation treatment she received when she had colon (among other) cancers in 2011. She slept half of the day, was in the the bathroom for the other half, and had a medication the constipated her for about 2 hour...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 13, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Truth or Lie? I Wish I Knew
The story began a year ago, as did my divorce, but I will try my best to explain my relationship with Blake Chadick, as it was a major impact on me this past year, waiting for my divorce to be finalized. I realize my blog is reading backwards at the moment, but should only be several entries or so.First of all, he ' s married. He said his wife Melissa was very sick from the radiation treatment she received when she had colon (among other) cancers in 2011. She slept half of the day, was in the the bathroom for the other half, and had a medication the constipated her for about 2 hours a day so she could be ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 13, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Tags: @drinkbodyarmor @mamacof3 anxiety betrayal blake chadick depression lies Source Type: blogs
8/4/18: Who or What Was I?
First the sort of good news. A court date will be set on Monday for the finalization of my divorce. That is good news because I will finally have money to support myself.Living with Cher and her family has been a Godsend. I feel so much better.What truly, truly breaks my heart so much is Blake. We were so very close, it developed into an emotional affair that started so innocently. He even talked about us being together when his wife passed away which would make me upset and I would tell him to stop.Once Mark moved out, he got very aggressive about coming over and it got physical, but we never had sex. Now that I think abo...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
4/3/18: Maybe the Beginning of the End?
After putting my foot down and refusing to file taxes jointly with Mark to everyone, especially my own attorney, an idea came to me very early this morning.I have no idea how much he owes. To me, he says $15k. To his attorney, he tells her $20k. Welcome to the world of a constant liar.He only thinks of today, never the future. What can I afford TODAY? What can I buy on credit...TODAY? Amazingly, he has an incredible credit score.He thought it would be a walk in the park - just casually ask me to sign the tax return, tell me the $5k refund would go towards my school loan like last year wh...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
4/2/18: My Love of Poetry
When I first started getting close to Blake, I think I started falling in love with him. I couldn ' t admit it to anyone, least of all myself, until I read a poem I stumbled across on Instagram. Once I read it, it broke my heart and I cried as if my heart had been broken. It was the beginning of my love of short poetry.Instagram: WildCaughtWordI knew it ' d never be youBut I wanted it toIt wouldn ' t, couldn ' t be youBut I wished and willed it toIt wasn ' t, it will not, be youBut even still, over a cigarette,and liquor filled tears,I protest to the moonThat it should have.It should have been you.I...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
4/2/18: Amending the Rule
I find myself completely alone (naturally).Andrea has blocked me from her phone, because I told her more than once to stop bringing up anything financial when it comes to my divorce. She ACTUALLY told me once that she did not believe in alimony for ANY woman. THIS time she, out of the blue, asked if I had considered that not filing tax forms jointly would come out of the marital property. How many times do I have to tell her? Once again, I told her to stay out and yes, in harsh words. She told me to never text her again. I have tried to text and call since last week - seems she has block...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
4/1/18: Easter Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be
Today is Easter. I woke up this morning and for some reason could not get the thought of receiving an Easter card from my Grandma out of my mind. It stayed with me for the longest time, while I just assumed it was because it was Easter.Finally it occurred to me - my Grandma had passed away a year ago right around Easter. I cried and cried, more than I had last year aside from the funeral.Last year was so, so very hard. My mother passed away about a week before Christmas in December 2016, my Grandma in April 2017, then my husband filed for divorce in August 2017. Even before the divorce, I was ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
4/1/18: Easter Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be
Today is Easter. I woke up this morning and for some reason could not get the thought of receiving an Easter card from my Grandma out of my mind. It stayed with me for the longest time, while I just assumed it was because it was Easter.Finally it occurred to me - my Grandma had passed away a year ago right around Easter. I cried and cried, more than I had last year aside from the funeral.Last year was so, so very hard. My mother passed away about a week before Christmas in December 2016, my Grandma in April 2017, then my husband filed for divorce in August 2017. Even before the divorce, I was ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
